lets go anywhere

via

we wanted to be the sky

we wanted to soar

to be free

to be all the colors we could think of

and then some



we found here

and we never wanted to leave

the wild and the chaos

mixed with the beauty and the love

and it was not peaceful

and our souls were aflame 

it was wonderland

and we never wanted to leave



we just wanted

to go anywhere

and ignore reality for a little while

never grow older

day by day

year by year




and we wanted to stay

amidst the wild hearts

and the honeydew grasses

and the smiling flowers

where reason has no place

and rhyme is the favored language




lets go anywhere

because if you don't know where you are going

any road

will take you to wonderland






I think nonsense poetry is becoming my "thing". I promise I'm going to do a real post soon x) 

oh look another poem that doesn't rhyme. that's good.

[my post titles are becoming more sarcastic than anything else.] 

i feel a lot like seventeen. 

we're so young
but we think we're older 
and we focus so much on where we're going
that we don't stop to see
where we are

so where am i?

i'm in a faded t-shirt and converse
running until my lungs burn
laughing loudly late at night
driving myself to the next town over
to see who feels like going out
for a bit
and not knowing what time i'll be back

i'm in that place
where i've sort of grown up
but i can still act like a child sometimes.
i'm in an independent-loving heart
with a soul thats not ready to let go

im in a spirit 
who is learning still.
im in a world full of photo booth strip photos
and cheep sunglasses
and my favorite songs
and i can drink coffee and discuss college
but I'm not quite ready to go

im in a life
a seventeen-year-old life
and we can chat politics
and pretend to know what we're talking about
we can race each other in the parking lot
we can sing loudly
and learn to feel
and experience
and live
like we're seventeen

:: :: ::

many apologies for my last mini-rant. i know it was random. also, i would apologize for my sarcastic post title, but i like it x). 

what have y'all been up to lately?

In Which I Freak Out for a Few Minutes.

Why is college so STRESSFUL LIKE I don't ever want to think about but I gots to cuz I gots to go someday and I have legit nothing figured out and I'll probably end up sitting in some hole drinking Lipton tea and singing I Dreamed a Dream at the top of my sad little lungs. 


Hello there. 


I have to sign up for the SAT today. It's in a month and I haven't started prepping myself, honestly because I forgot. And I found out that my first choice of colleges cares most about the essay and math portions, which are probably going to be my two worst portions. I took the CLT twice, both times doing not so hot on math. The CLT is technically an SAT substitute, but I did so badly on the math that I'm just at that point where the stress is eating me alive but not really because I still have a little bit of sanity left. 

(I probably shouldn't be blogging right now. I doubt it's a good idea when I'm in this state. I can barely form coherent sentences.) 

So I'm basically here to beg for prayers?? Seriously, I would appreciate it so much. Also, if anyone out there has already taken the SAT and survived... tips?? Or just tips on how to handle stress better?? Anything works at this point. 

(I just drank a giant cup of tea. It had a lot of sugar. This post may just be a result of that.) 

Hello February

not my image

whAT. It's February, and my least favorite month of the year is over, and if that's not something to celebrate, then I dunno what is! 

JANUARY IN REVIEW

Despite it being my least favorite month, and despite the weird weather, this month has been pretty good to me. I went and saw La La Land, for one thing, and OH MY GOODNESS, if you haven't seen it, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEEEAAAASE go see it!! I'm still in awe of how good it was. 

I actually wrote a little bit this month. Not a lot, and my inspiration wells are still pretty dry, but I'm working through it. 

This month was a very social one. I spent a lot of time with friends or hanging out with family. The first few weeks of the second semester haven't been too bad, thankfully. People are already counting down to the end of the year x). 

January was....

//rainy days

//pizza

//late, late nights

//early mornings

//basketball games

//new music

//many rehearsal hours for my school play

//new hoodies

//road trips

//good movies

//coffee


Favorite January Moments....

//SAN FRANCISCO TRIP

//staying out late with friends

//running and yelling like crazy through long hallways

//helping my friend move

//finding new music

//driving with my cousins, blasting classic rock

//driving by myself at night with lightning flashing around me

//going to see La La Land

//watching H.M.S. Pinafore with my siblings


January was full of late nights out, driving by myself, really loud laughter, singing along to the music, and thinking about how great of a year 2017 will be.

HOW WAS YOUR JANUARY?

My Weekend in the City // Pro-Life March 2017

Over the weekend, I had the amazing opportunity to travel up to San Francisco for the 2017 March For Life with a group of others from school (as I did two years ago). It was such a great trip. The pro-life movement is one that is very important to me, and I was so happy to be more actively involved in something I believe in so much. The battle to stop the murder of innocent lives is one that we have been fighting tirelessly, but I always forget how much of a real battle it is until I'm actually out on the streets. Not gonna lie, with all the angry faces and loud shouting on the sidewalks around us ,and all the crude names we were called, and all the confused people fighting against us, I was terrified. But I'm so proud to say I did it, that I was a part of God's front-line. 

It was also a really fun weekend. We stayed at a little church and, even though the bathrooms were super gross and we all had to sleep on the floor, we had a lot of fun running around in pajamas and singing and laughing until our stomachs hurt. 

We didn't get to go to the Golden Gate Bridge or to Chinatown like we'd originally planned due to bad weather, but we did see a good portion of the city. I put together a short little vlog for y'all with some snippets of the weekend. 

I'm gonna get better at vloging, I promise x). I know this was super short, and I should've gotten more footage of the actual walk... Oh well. 

<33

A Few Weeks Ago

My cousin Maddy and I walk downhill, towards the community college. You have to walk through it to get to this little Foster's Freeze. It's in a sketchy part of town, but it doesn't matter. I hear the sounds of our own laughter and I don't feel nervous. 

The sun is going to set soon, but it's giving us that golden, late-afternoon glow. Pink flowers are scattered on the sidewalk. I don't know what they're called, but they're pretty. Cars drive by, carrying people who have places to be. 

I don't have anywhere else I need to be. It's Christmas break. No deadlines, no unfinished homework lurking in the back of my mind. These moments are mine right now. 

And we're laughing about something. I think about a TV show. It's usually about a TV show. Or else we're talking about old memories. Or disagreeing about music, as we so often do. Or maybe it's food. 

We walk through the community college and make it to the Foster's. She orders a Twister, I order fries. We sit at the old, outdoor table with peeling blue paint, and we talk. There are only a few others nearby, but they slowly leave. Probably because we talk rather loudly. We just enjoy being together. I wonder aloud if they are going to give me ketchup with my fries and complain about the possibility of awkwardly asking for some while Maddy rolls her eyes at me. 
Our food comes and we eat while we talk. We talk about anything and everything. We never seem to run out of topics. There's a whole world out there, and we talk about how we want to see it all someday.

As we walk home, the slight wind brushes our skin, raising the hairs on my arms. We walk through the community college again and Maddy turns on "Hooked on a Feeling" on her phone. The whole sky has been painted neon as the sun sets, framing the dark palm tree silhouettes. We run though a hallway next to the basketball court, our voices and the music echoing off the walls. 

And we walk back uphill. The moment is ours. We don't think about deadlines or textbooks or the future. Because it's the present right now, we don't let it pass us by. 



xoxo
abby 

Hello January 2017

not my image

It is officially a new year!! Wild as that may be. So this isn't going to be a normal "Hello [insert month here]" post. This is gonna be extra long, full of lists and a resolution that I probably won't keep. 

I am going to start off with the review of December first, as usual... 

DECEMBER IN REVIEW

The first half of December was stress city! I started off with my exam prep and then we actually got to the exams and holy cow, thinking back on all that stress makes my stomach hurt. But I survived, by the miraculous grace of God. 

The second half of December was much better x). Christmas came and we spent time with so many cousins and aunts and uncles, and there was so much craziness and multiple long car rides, but it was a blast. The whole Christmas season has been wonderful to me :). 

December was...

//Christmas lights

//hot chocolate 

//fireplaces

//fuzzy socks

//family

//cookies

//Chinese food

//music of all kinds

//rainy days and nights

//bookstores

//a lot of movies

//polaroids

//the sound of many little feet running through the house

//late night laughter

Favorite December Moments...

//CHRISTMAS

//watching Elf with my siblings on Christmas Eve

//watching Jungle Book with my siblings and cousins on Christmas night (lot of movies happened this Christmas season)(also, how we decided to watch this movie on Christmas night instead of White Christmas is beyond me)

//swinging on the swings in the park with my little cousin on my lap

//making french toast

//rewatching Civil War with my brothers late into the night

//going out for Chinese food with my cousin and getting super lost

//sitting by the fire

//finishing my exams

//getting wildly hyper on Christmas night with my brothers and cousins

//going to the bookstore

//simultaneously reading Agatha Christie and listening to classic rock on Spotify (because thats a natural combo)

//Christmas dinner with my whole family

:: :: ::

It's a new year! 2016 was a strange and short year, and I learned a lot. So many things happened in the public sphere (mostly bad things, but...), and it was also an eventful year in my little sphere too. I finished tenth grade, therefore finishing the first half of high school. I started eleventh grade and became an upperclassman, and through all the craziness and stress, it hasn't been all bad x). I even managed to get a good score on the PSATs.Summer was full of sunshine, beach trips, county fairs, bare feet, and iced tea. I went to two concerts this year, my first concerts EVER. I discovered the magic of coffee and classic rock. I found all these amazing TV shows (including, but not limited to: Gilmore Girls, The Office, Parks and Rec...) This Fall and Winter I got my drivers license, I turned seventeen, I completed the first draft of my Junior thesis, AND survived finals, which I think is pretty awesome. 

ALSO, I met so many blogger-people this year through Quills!! You guys are all amazing and have taken this whole blog experience to another level. One blog in particular, Burning Youth, has inspired me so much since it started earlier this year and if you haven't checked it out, please do. So much wisdom in one blog. 

As I look back on this year as a writer, though, it wasn't my best year...? Poetry-wise, I think I've grown a lot and gotten better... I did do Camp NaNo back in July, which was great and I managed to get a lot done. But after that I just sort of... stopped. I really don't feel like I'm going anywhere with this novel and I'm considering scrapping it. But I'm super hesitant to do that, as I'm almost finished with the SECOND FREAKING DRAFT, which is farther than I've EVER gotten in any writing project. 
HOWEVER, the computer that this novel was on crashed or something, and I didn't know, and my dad threw it out, and I didn't know any of this and I forgot to back up the doc... so maybe this is a sign? That I should move on?? Because this novel isn't really making me as happy as it used to, and life is too short to write books that don't make you happy!! 

I dunno. Who does know. I dunno. I'm hoping 2017 will be more successful, writing-wise. 

Throughout the year, I compiled a list that grew as the months went by. It was of conclusions I made, or lessons I learned, or anything of the like. Here's the list: 

1) Wednesdays exist to make us miserable.

2) When our stuff gets stolen, it's a very bad thing.

3) Untoasted PopTarts are much more convenient.

4) It's never not okay to reference the Princess Bride

5) If you are a mango, ACCEPT IT AND DON'T TRY TO BE A WATERMELON.

6) When we hurt, we sometimes end up hurting someone else too on accident

7) Sometimes I'm scared of my own mind.

8) All the things I can't do frustrate me.

9) One should never turn down medicine when sick just because one is afraid it will taste bad.

10) Sometimes life surprises us.

11) Hope is a good thing; don't give up on hope no matter what life throws at you.

12) NOBODY ON TV EVER GETS PROPERLY ANGRY I ALWAYS WANT TO SCREAM AT THEM

13) Independence is scary.

14) Go slowly

15) God is good.

My big goal for this year is to take better care of myself. I haven't been exercising, I've been eating tons of junk food, I've been letting stress get to me, and overall, I haven't been very good to myself this past year. And I'm hoping that this year I'll push myself to love myself a little more. 
2017 is coming. I'm going to start my senior year of high school this year. I'm going to turn eighteen and become an adult in the eyes of society. And who knows what else will happen. I'll probably mess up a few times. But that's okay. 

Happy New Year!! What are your goals for the new year? And if you have any ideas as to what I should change or do differently this year blogging-wise, please let me know! I want to make Quills even better this year for all of you guys <3