Saturday, July 20, 2019

simple summertime

2:33 pm. 

Passenger seat of a beat-up Volkswagen, sitting on a towel because the leather seat burned my legs. Nike shorts and a bathing suit, bare feet, tangled hair down. Windows down, 85 degrees, scrunched noses burnt pink. Freckles and sparkle eyes and no makeup. Speaker blares country music and our lungs tighten from singing and laughing. Limbs tired from an eight hour work day, but shoulders are light and relaxed because the beach is ahead. 

Bathed in steady, California sunlight, it was a near perfect moment. A moment that felt like the stereotypical summer you see high schoolers having in the movies. A moment away from work, from adulting, from college, from thinking about the future. 

One drive. We drove from work to the ocean. A healthy dose of happiness to brighten my life. 

It's that simple. Happiness comes in the small things. 

summer 2k19 has been moments like this. small happy moments amongst a messy, messy life. but the small happy moments make the messy ones seem less messy. 

Wednesday, June 12, 2019

Freshman Year

I've been planning on doing a freshman year recap post since like February. I've been planning on doing the usual; a list of random little lessons I learned or moments that made me happy throughout the year. 

But thinking about it, a list doesn't cover it. So here's some of my raw, unrequested thoughts on Freshman year of college (lol). 

Confidence. I didn't really have a grasp on the word in high school. By senior year, I'd come out of my shell a bit and was able to be outgoing around classmates I'd known for years. And at the time I compared that to 13-yr-old me who could barely get out a whisper and was pretty proud of how far I'd come. I thought I had the confidence thing down. 
But other people's opinions of me consumed me still. I let everyone else decide different details about me, and gave others the power to control so much about myself, including my moods and emotions. Whether or not I had a good day was entirely out of my control because I let it be so. I was so dependent on others for happiness and verification. 

This was my biggest struggle. Everyone else had so much power over me, and because of it, I felt bruised. Everyone else's opinions hit me like punches. 
It's a common problem for teenage girls I realize. Throughout social media you can see the surface-level attempts to right the issue. Cheesy self-love poems and artsy quotes about how I am enough are so popular, it seems excessive and, yeah, I've wanted to gag a few times. It sometimes seems ridiculous, but maybe look a little deeper at what these Pinterest quotes are trying to correct. Thousands of teenagers who are kept up at night wondering why they aren't enough of this, of that. Why they aren't enough. It hurts. 

This year, I've finally outgrown that toxic way of thinking. I’ve found people to surround myself with who support me and love me and who grow with me. People who don’t pretend around me, or make me feel like I have to pretend around them. I don’t feel guilty for just being myself anymore.

I’m not blind to how imperfect I am. I see on the daily how much I need Jesus, and how much I need Mary to get to Jesus. I recently reconsectrated myself to Mary, and if you’d like a post just on that experience I’d love to write one. 

I know I lack so much, and that I need to rely on God for so much. I know this, and I’m working on it. But I’ve grown to see also how much God has blessed me with, and this has given me the strength to grow into more of who God wants me to be. I’m not there yet, but with His help I get closer each day. :) 

But it wouldn’t be a freshman year recap post without a list of some kind, so here are a few moments I’m going to miss: 

// dorm nights where me and my friends eat Trader Joe’s snacks in one of our rooms and play music and talk for hours

// walking to a dance and hearing the music gettting louder and louder 

// late nights out, laughing dileriously 

// hitting the “wow” moment in class that just blows all our minds because God is so simple yet so complex 

// sitting down after demonstrating a Euclid prop (the BEST feeling) 

// hiking every Friday after class to the top of the hill and looking down at the campus

// bundling up for colder weather 

// coffee and thrift stores on a Saturday

// beach sunsets as often as possible

// reading in the courtyard

// sleeping in and waking up slowly on a Saturday morning, showering and listening to music 

// bonfire smoke that lingers on our clothes

Words can’t express how crazy and amazing and life changing this year has been. <3

Tuesday, March 26, 2019

The Lupine Lady

Im a firm believer in the little things of life. 

Anyone who has been with this blog for a good amount of time will know this. I write about it all the time, because I’ve trained myself to start to notice them. No one will ever truly be capable of noticing every little blessing God showers on us each day, but I want to seek out as many as I can. 

My favorite book when I was little was a book called the Lupine Lady. I don’t remember all the details of the story, but I remember the watercolor illustrations of a woman planting lupines. She would travel the world and plant lupines wherever she went, making the world a little more beautiful. 

Looking back on it, I’ve realized how much this shaped me. Life is a gift. I want to use every ounce of it. 

I’ve struggled so much the past few months with where I am in life. I’ve gone through so many days where I think of choices I’ve made the get me here and I feel like they were safe. In August I moved out, and at the time it felt like a big deal. And it is, but at the same time, I only moved 45 minutes away. To a college that ive been so familiar with my whole life. And I go home at least three times a month, even just for dinner. My friends from high school are scattered around the country, or even the planet. And I’m still in California, where I was born and raised, doing what felt like nothing special. 

Most of this hit me last semester, and around November I was itching to leave. I love my school with all my heart, and the curriculum here actually surprised me; I realized I wasn’t as familiar with the college as I thought. I’m in love with what we do here. But at the time, I wanted to travel. I wanted to experience the world. 

I was frustrated because I knew I couldn’t leave. I took it to God so many times, and every time I knew He was telling me to stay. And yeah I was frustrated. Frustrated that Gods plan for me was so slow. Frustrated that Gods plan for me always seems to involve me waiting for something. Again and again God asks me to wait. 

2018 was the first year in forever that I’ve spent the whole year in one place. Yes, technically I moved to school, but I didn’t travel anywhere. The farthest I went at all in 2018 was LA, which is less than two hours away. I think a lot of me feeling eager to get out into the world was because of this. 
So I started off 2019 with a weekend trip to San Francisco with my friends. It was a little taste of the world, and definitely helped my travel bug. 

I’ve always believed happiness is a choice. Not to say it’s like a light switch, which we can turn on or off at any given moment. Not even to say that it’s a choice to see the good or the bad. But it’s a choice to see the good despite the bad. 
I believe that if you train yourself to notice the little blessings God sends you each day... THIS is the secret to happiness. It’s not practiced enough. Life isn’t about changing the world, but seeing God in the world. And God is loudest in the small moments. 

My campus is nestled in these lush green, rolling hillsides. I went on a hike and found a whole field of beautiful purple lupines. It brightened my day, and made me remember why lupines are my favorite flower. Because they remind me that life is the little things. Life is finding God in the little things. 

I still have a passion for travel, but God has already begun opening that door to me. This year is going to be unlike last—I’m going to experience a bit more of life I think. And I’m excited to find God in new ways throughout it all, and try to make the world a little more beautiful along the way. 

You must do something to make the world more beautiful.” - the lupine lady 

Thursday, March 14, 2019

Beautiful exhausting day

Today was exhausting. The kind of day where I found myself thinking, wow, literally everything that could’ve gone wrong today did.

How wrong I am.

Here are a few things about my day that made me smile:

// sunshine after weeks of rain

// churros

// afternoons lying on the grass soaking up the sunlight

// texts that made me laugh

// friends that make me forget about difficult classes and annoying obstacles

// my roommate who helped me out cuz I was so busy  (she’s the bomb)

// baby plants (SO CUTE)

// dogs

// lemon poppyseed muffins

// lavender lattes

// the beautiful chapel that echoed our prayers to heaven

// poppies

// a really good tuna sandwich

// hugs

What a beautiful day :) take the time to step back and recognize that no day is completely without a happy moment, no matter how small.

Stay positive and be kind today.

Monday, December 31, 2018


My favorite day of 2018. 

I don't one hundred per cent know why, it's just one of those days that lives in the back of my memory and makes me feel happy each time I think back on it. It wasn't anything super special. I woke up thinking it would be a normal day. And it was, for the most part, just the normality of it and the little things that went right made life great. 

I woke up to grey skies, which to most people is a downer, but to me is a sign of rain. And rain to me is a sign of fresh starts and washing the world clean. It's a promise of green along the hills and warm firesides. It was a Wednesday, and Wednesdays are the calmest days of the week. I dressed up in an outfit that I love, a cute skirt and my new denim jacket, and went to breakfast as usual. I only have morning classes on Wednesdays, so I'm done with school by 11AM. The classes were interesting, and I felt awake and engaged in both. 
A priest who lives in the area had come up to campus to have lunch with me and a few other freshman at my college who went to high school with me. I'm still very good friends with the guys who came with me to college from high school, but I don't always get the chance to sit down and have lunch with them all. It was fun to all be together and catch up with one another. 
Someone had been able to cover most of my work shift while I was at lunch, but as soon as I was done I changed into joggers and a t-shirt and went to work, though I only had about twenty minutes left of my shift. I washed pots in the school kitchen for twenty minutes, then clocked out and started to head back up to my dorm. It was beginning to drizzle, and as I cut across the grass toward my building, the campus dog started following me at my heels. He's an old dog, been the school dog as long as I can remember, but he was keeping up with me as I walked. 
I stopped at the turn where I would go to my dorm, but Rusty the dog kept going toward the hills. He stopped and looked at me and I thought, why not? I followed him up behind the dorm buildings and crawled through a gate and hiked up the hill. At the top of the hill, I could see the entire campus laid out before me like a blanket. The light mist had become a thicker drizzle, and water droplets dotted my phone when I brought it out to take a picture. 

I got back to my dorm building and had a calm few hours in. I read in my fuzzy socks and friends came in and out of my room to chat and watch the rain with me through my window. There's a tree right outside my room, and I love to watch the leaves bounce under the weight of the water droplets. 

After an hour or two, I got dressed up again. My dad was coming to pick me up. I borrowed my friend's boots and wore them with fuzzy socks and tights, a skirt, and my military jacket. I walked down and met him at the beautiful school chapel. 
We drove home and I got to see my brothers and sisters for a bit. My mom, sisters, and I drove up to Santa Barbara to go see a production of Cinderella at the theater on State Street. Santa Barbara was all dressed up for Christmas, and there was even a live band playing Christmas carols. The lights reflected off the wet sidewalks, and the music made it feel like a movie scene. 
The show was so well done and very cute, and I walked out after with the kind of glowing happy buzz only the theater can give you. It was pouring rain, and we had no umbrella, so my mom, my sisters, and I raced through the Christmas-themed streets back to the car. My boots kept my feet warm and my face got numb from smiling. 
Mom drove me back to school, and I watched the rain pound on the windows. The heater in the car made me sleepy. I got back to school and said goodbye to my mom, and climbed into my dorm through my friend's bedroom window because the front door was locked. 

2018 has been a "living in the moment" year. I didn't make any major goals for this year because I knew it was going to be a crazy one, and I wanted to focus on staying positive and present throughout it all. I graduated high school and moved away to college and turned nineteen and met a lot of new amazing people and gained some new perspective and grew a lot. I have high hopes for 2019. 

Question: what kind of posts do you want to see from me in the new year? 

Wednesday, December 19, 2018

slow down

Everyone is so caught up with dreams of ruling the world. 

Everyone is blinded by the light of success and breathless from running towards it. 

Everyone is convinced that life is a race, a game, a path with a finish line. 

Everyone has different timing. One may be ready when you are not. 

Another's plan and timing is not your own. 

Accept and embrace where you are now. The time will come when it will be gone and you'll move on to the next chapter of your life. 

Don't rush it. It'll come when you are ready. 

Friday, November 30, 2018

day in the life (working with Purple Trail)

6:45 my first alarm goes off. the blinds are shut and my eyelids are heavy and suddenly my bed is the most wonderful place in the world and I don't want to get up. 

7:20 skincare and getting ready. I've got this part down to a routine. I play music quietly as I get dressed for the day, which helps wake up my brain and put me in a good mood for the day. 

8:10 I sit in the coffee shop with my friend going over my homework one more time. it's empty except for us two and the barista. our table is crowded with books, a mason jar of near-dead flowers, and our lattes. floor to ceiling windows let in the fresh, dewey morning light.

8:30 class

11:02 I head to the cafeteria. I find a table with friends and we get a start on homework and prepare for our afternoon classes, all the while distracting ourselves with funny stories of our mornings and making plans for the weekend. 

11:45 lunch

12:20 I'm back in my dorm, slowly getting ready for my afternoon class. I clean and listen to music and make sure I have my latin vocab words memorized. 

1:00 class

3:30 I go back to the cafeteria and talk to my roommate. we generally don't see each other much throughout the first part of the day, but she works in the cafeteria at 3:30, so I always stop by and talk to her for a bit. I grab a cup of coffee and head up to the dorm and do homework. 

5:30 dinner. I run down with my friend and we eat quickly because we have way too much reading to do. 

7:30 I meet my roommate and my friends in the coffee shop. we play ping pong and read at the bar, and let ourselves relax a little at the end of the day. 

10:00 Mass. the church is dark and quiet and I love ending the day with God. 

11:00 curfew. my friends and I will change and eat whatever snacks we have and do face masks and talk about our day and unwind. 

11:45 bed 

I wanted to give you guys a little taste of my day at college. Usually, my days get pretty busy and there's a lot I need to remember. Planners have been a lifesaver. 

I'm really excited to announce that Purple Trail is sponsoring this post. Guys, their planners are so high quality and stunning. They're completely customizable and come in two sizes, and a tiny version is available! Like I said, you can fully customize them to your liking, so you can choose coil or sewn bound, the cover is completely customizable with three cover finishing options, and with the premium planners you can get them in foil! There are weekly, daily, monthly, family, wedding, content, teacher and student options. All their planners are high quality and beautiful, you can't really go wrong. 

*above photos provided by

Check them out! Thank you, Purple Trail, for reaching out to me!