I Thank God for Mornings...

thank you for mornings

thank you for a moment of starting over
when your eyes are opened to a new day
and the tears of yesterday
the anxiety
the feeling that it will never be better
are washed away 
in the morning sunlight

my summer list

So I remembered recently that last year I made a list of all the things I took away from Sophomore year. But I really don't want to do that again because I feel like this year I just relearned all those things lol. 
Plus this past year was insane. And now it's over and so I'd like to keep moving forward into a slightly less crazy summer.
And I have goals.

Obviously I have the big goals. Get a job, write my college application essays and get those in, get ready for the summer program I'm attending, start plotting/writing my next story (so far it's just got an aesthetic board on Pinterest but that's plotting, right??). But I also have some smaller goals. These aren't so much goals as they are "Things to Do to Recover from the Monstrosity that was Junior Year." The year was so go go go, and I want to get myself back into the habit of doing the little things to take care of myself and sort of reconnect with life and just slooow down.

Here are some of them:

//find new coffee shops near me

//bake

//go to the beach

//laugh

//climb a tree

//make tea extra hot and feel the steam on my face

//branch out music-wise

//drive with the windows down

//write and enjoy it

//exercise

//eat healthier

//let my hair grow long

//go to bed earlier

//light sparklers

//read

//go to the fair

//spend more time with my favorite people

//sit and breathe a while

Hello June

It's the end of another month. IF MONTHS COULD JUST STOP ENDING PLEASE THAT'D BE GREAT THANKS. 

SOO much happened this month, I don't even really know where to start. I'll start with life. 

LIFE THINGS...

Life things. 
There are too many. 
I finished my exams successfully. I finished Junior year of high school and went to graduation where my brother was promoted to high school and a lot of my friends threw their caps and tassels into the sky. The last week of school was a rather emotional one, just thinking that this time next year it'll be me leaving. 
I spent a lot of time out with friends. I got elected into the student executive council with some of my closest friends and that's getting me really excited about next year. My brother turned thirteen. I helped put on the last dance of the school year, which was SO much fun.

This month was a month of endings. Lots of endings. 

ALSO on a lighter note, I've applied for a job at Starbucks! Really hoping that works out. 

And I made the most AMAZING strawberry cake cookies on Mother's Day. 

WRITING THINGS...

Lol what are words.

I did no work on writing, but one exciting thing that happened is, I think I have a plot for my new story!! 
So I'm very happy to have worked that out after like a thousand years. 

BOOKISH THINGS...

I've started reading the book of Psalms.

I read The Help!! It's amazing!! Anyone who likes BOOKS please read it, and if you don't like books, shame on you, a pox upon your house, dishonor on your cow. 
Not really, just read it cuz it's wonderful. 

I also finished The Girl With No Name, and THAT was seriously amazing too! I haven't read a whole lot this school year just for pleasure, and the fact that I finished two incredible books this month is making me happy. If you watched my book vlog these titles should sound familiar. 

I went to the library yesterday and got Heartless by Marissa Meyer, and I'M SO EXCITED TO READ THIS!! To all of you who have read it: what did you think?? 
I'm also rereading Cinder because love <3 

MAY WAS...

//turning pages 

//sunny days

//neon paint

//hugs

//goodbyes

//new music

//midnight conversations

//bittersweet

//the smell of strawberries

//powdered sugar

//shadows 

FAVORITE MAY MOMENTS...

//drinking black coffee in the early morning

//movie night with friends

//running into people in unexpected places

//going outside

//going to see Guardians of the Galaxy 2

//making the strawberry cake cookies

//going out for pizza

//reading

//putting on our first dance as student council

//playing with neon paint and black lights

//sitting in the bed of my friends truck overlooking the city

//last day of school

LET'S TALK! HOW WAS YOUR MONTH?

One Year Left

I was homeschooled through the fifth grade, and at the time, I enjoyed it for the most part. The thought of going to a real school did interest me, but I was so shy when I was younger that I decided I'd rather stay at home. I got to wake up whenever, eat breakfast and do math at the same time, no deadlines or caring about how I looked or real schedules. My mom was my teacher, my dining room was my school, and that's how I learned until I was about eleven. 
It was fine. It was a working system. 
But I wasn't happy. 

The main stereotype of homeschoolers is that they don't socialize, and in my case, that definitely was not true! I had friends, and my parents always gave me time to spend with them every week. I took dance classes and a writing class every week. But I was so shy. And I'm not blaming that on homeschooling, that's just how I was. I was a little mouse. 
I was a mouse, living inside a little bubble. I had friends, but was too shy to branch out. I kind of lived in my own little world. 

And then my parents decided to put me in a small, private, Catholic school when I was going into the sixth grade. And I did NOT want to go. I was fine with my little bubble. I didn't want to meet new people, I didn't want to get up early, I didn't want to go to school. I didn't want to. But I did. And I still remember my first day, awkward little me, trying to figure out what the next seven years of my life were going to be like as I went through middle school and high school. 
Little eleven year old me, who lived in a bubble, was branching out. I met my classmates, who now I can't imagine life without. I was forced to pop my little bubble against my will, but it turned out to be one of the best things to have ever happened to me. 

Because I go to this small school, I know so much. I loved being taught by my mom, but going to this school with teachers who have specialized in different academic areas has given me so many learning opportunities. I aced my SAT essay because my school has given me opportunities to practice time-pressured essays. My teachers take the time to help me if I need it. I schedule tutoring sessions with them whenever I don't understand the material, and since classes are so small, it feels like we all get special attention from our teachers. They care about each of us and want to watch us succeed. 

I grew, going to this school. I've learned more about myself. I discovered my love of writing at this school. I've grown in my faith, I've gotten to know and love God more.

But the part of this school that has impacted me the most is my classmates. We've been described my many as the closest-knit class on campus, with only eighteen in the grade. And I don't deny that. We do so much together and I love them all like siblings. 

I was shy. I was scared of the world. But having the opportunity to go to this school through middle and high school was the best thing that's ever happened to me in my seventeen years of life because I've learned how to be a good Christian, face obstacles, and love every second of life God has given me. 

---

I wrote this a few months ago, and decided it would be appropriate to post at the end of the year. Yesterday was my last day of school for Junior year. And now I'm sitting at the laptop, Blogger open on one page, and my college application on another. 

This year beat me up. It was hard and stressful, but I grew this year and I learned a lot and I've finished the year with good grades. I did well on my SATs, I wrote my first thesis, I took an AP English class, and I survived Chemistry. It was a crazy, quick, blurry year. 

And now my Junior year is over. I'm going to be a Senior. I'm going to be executive student council with some of my best friends. 

One year left.  

A Surprise Book Vlog (I'm so bad at technology...)

I KNOW I KNOW I'M SUPPOSED TO HAVE A VACATION POST THING UP BY NOW I KNOW I PROMISED THAT. 

Here have a book vlog please don't hurt me. I talk about books for fifteen minutes of your life and complain about my thesis for a bit. 

Also I explain what happened to the vacation surprise. 

I love you guys now go watch the video and listen to me ramble for a bit xD It's good fun. 

:)

Hello May

*insert regular screams about how quickly time is passing because HOLY COW IT'S PASSING SO QUICK* 

APRIL IN REVIEW

April was a really good month actually. Busy, busy, busy, traveling, traveling, school, opening night of our show, busy busy. 

LIFE THINGS...

I went out to the East Coast for almost two weeks, and I have a special little post about that coming hopefully this week. It was so great to see family, and it was interesting to see a New England spring. It's very cold, but there were daffodils everywhere which was super aesthetic. 

Also, opening night of our play?? We've been working all year on this show and it turned out AMAZING and I'm so proud of our whole cast and crew. 

Like three weeks left of school and I can't handle that. 

WRITING THINGS...

Hahahahahahahawhat. No writing this month, it was all too crazy with rehearsals and traveling and craziness, but maybe I'll write more this month. The first part will be ridiculously crazy with finals and everything, but after that it should be calm enough for me to get some writing done. 

BOOK THINGS...

My grandma gave me a whole bunch of books x). I'm reading The Girl With No Name by Diney Costeloe right now and I really like it so far. I'm also still in the middle of the Wrinkle in Time series. 

I'm thinking about doing a book vlog sort of a thing?? Yes or no?? 

APRIL WAS...

//old memories

//rehearsalsssssss

//airplane windows

//new music

//bonfires

//junk food

//apple pancakes

//theater

//daffodils

//pictures

//pizza

//British accents


FAVORITE APRIL MOMENTS...

//bonfires with friends

//visiting family on the East Coast

//seeing snow for the first time in ten years

//opening night of our show

//laughing while doing homework

//going to my cousin's play

//relaxing on spring break

HOW WAS YOUR APRIL?

Because Sometimes

Because sometimes

nothing makes sense

Because sometimes

it's blurry

and dark 

and I get nervous

Because sometimes

I fall down

and the view is upside down

and that makes my head spin

and things look different from down there

and that makes me nervous

Because sometimes

we cry

because sometimes

it's too foggy

it's too long

it's

too

hard

and we get nervous

Because sometimes

we think we can't when we actually can

Because sometimes

Because sometimes

Because sometimes...

Sometimes we feel lonely. 

But the good news is

it's only sometimes.

The rest of the time

it's brighter.

And even if sometimes

we feel lost

it's okay because

a l l  t h e  t i m e 

God is good. 

Not just sometimes.

All the time.