The Unmovable Rock

Last night I found out I got accepted to college. 

This is a weird feeling for me, looking back on all the times in the past year I've felt so overwhelmed with thoughts like what if I don't get in... I get to look back on the times I got stressed out over a failed test, knowing everything affects how colleges will look at me. I get to remember sitting in my aunt's kitchen on my phone and seeing my SAT scores in my inbox. I freaked out over that, I freaked out over writing my ((six)) application essays, I freaked out over taking each PSAT. I lay in my room and cried on bad days, just positive I wasn't good enough, that even God wasn't strong enough to open this door that seemed so closed to me from where I was. 

I surprised myself at first last night. After I got off the phone, I smiled and felt a bit shaky, but it didn't really process. I did what I always imagined I would do if I found out I got in, which was call my best friend. She didn't pick up, so I texted her instead. I realized I should tell my mom and everyone, but first I sat on my bed for the sheer joy of sitting in the same place where I had nearly drowned in all the pressure I'd felt over the past year. And now I could sit there without the huge weight. 

The minute I stepped out into the hallway, it processed. I broke down into a full-on ugly cry. I haven't sobbed so hard in years. 

This was what I've been striving for since before I even started seriously thinking about college. When I was little, it was the college I just assumed I'd go to, but then as I grew up, I realized it's more complicated. Life's more complicated. I might not be good enough. 

And I knew this is what God had planned for me. I knew God was calling me to go to this unbelievable school. But I still sometimes thought, when the door seemed so locked, that maybe not even God could open it. If something seems so impossible, it can be hard to see that He is bigger than this. 

Can God create a rock He cannot lift?

We've all heard this little paradox I'm sure, and for I while, I thought maybe. 

What we have to realize is that He is the Unmovable Rock. 

I started this post thinking it would be about my journey of applying to school, all the doubts and stuff. But that's not really important anymore. It's part of my story, and I love it and wouldn't change a thing, but what's more important is what I've learned from it. 

God is so much bigger than our fears, and He is so much stronger than the bolted door we see. If it's meant to open it will. And God opened this door for me. 

I couldn't be happier :)