Note to Self

Dear Self. 

Don't be crazy. I know it's hot out right now, and heat makes me irritable. But don't be crazy.

Take a shower. I'm sweaty and gross from exercising in this thousand degree weather, and now I need a shower. 

Don't be afraid of spending money, but keep in mind that I have no constant source of income at the moment. 

Think before I speak. Not every thought that comes to my mind is God's gift to the world, and therefore not every thought needs to be shared. Filter out the fluff from the good, kind words that will brighten someone's day. 

Stop procrastinating. I need to write my history essay. I need to do laundry. I need to plot and organize an outline for NaNo. I need to stop with the Netflix and get some work done. 

Stop being afraid, because it's holding me back. I can't be afraid of people not liking me, I can't be afraid of the future, I can't be afraid of truth, and I can't be afraid of screwing up because it's making me less than I could be. And I don't want that. 

If I keep comparing myself to everyone, the uphill climb becomes more vertical. 

Don't be materialistic.

Be generous to myself, as long as I can be generous to others too. 

I don't want to be just another cliche shouting "BE YOURSELF" across the screen, because I don't totally believe in that idea. I want to be who God made me to be. But at the same time, I can't pretend to be something I'm not just to impress people who don't really matter in the long run. 

Relax a little. I'm stressing too much about the small things. Focus and breathe. 

This is Why

Someone asked me recently what my mission as a writer is. And it made me think a lot about why I'm doing this. 

Writing is hard, guys, though I'm sure most of you know. It's hours of typing, brainstorming, editing (the horror), and when you've finished with that, the manuscript is messy, sometimes cheesy, full of plot holes, cringe-worthy, and overall just not... there. (Unless you're a perfect writer, in which case, please give me tips) I very rarely feel like writing. It's something I often have to make myself do. I'm not inspired every day to sit down and write, nor am I always happy about doing it. It's time consuming. Sometimes there are other things I'd rather do. 

Sometimes I read what I've written and think it's awful and why am I trying to be a writer again?? 

Just because I love to write doesn't mean it's always easy to write. So why do I do it?

This is why.

A while back, I sat down and planned on only writing for a little bit. But a little bit turned into multiple hours, and I managed to finish draft one of my story. When I wrote the final words, I screamed and looked the manuscript over quickly, just skimming over it. It was so messy and unorganized and there were notes in the margin I'd made for myself, telling myself to fix this, scrap that, expand this paragraph, find a different word, etc. It wasn't a direct path, it was a tree with branches going in all different directions. It was messy. But it was mine. I started crying right then and there, because holy cow, I'd done it! I wrote a novel! 

Since then I've finished draft two and printed it out and let people read it and it's sitting on my shelf right now. I'll probably never touch it again, as I've moved on to other projects. But guys, it's mine! I took something that was born straight from my imagination and ran with it until it was a reality, and it makes me so unbelievably happy. 

That's why. 

Hello October!

It's October already!! I don't understand how this year is already almost over. I am super excited though because October sort of begins my favorite part of the year. I love the cool, fall weather in October and November, and plus there's all the holidays to look forward to (and my birthday WHAT). Fall is my favorite season and even though we don't really get the full experience in southern California, we still get colder weather and rainy days, the leaves that change, and allllll the fall-themed drinks in the cafes x). 

LIFE THINGS

Well I mean, I think the biggest thing that happened this month was getting accepted to college (!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). And that was such a huge thing and now I really can't remember much of the rest of the month hahahahawhoops. 

My cousin drove up one weekend which was SO MUCH FUN because I haven't seen her in a while. We went to dinner and crashed a dance at the very college that accepted me not a week later... x) I also went to lunch with another cousin, who is a freshman at aforementioned college. I can't believe we're going to school together next year. 

It was a month full of people, if that makes sense. I spent so much time getting together with people I haven't seen and meeting good friends for coffee dates, I went to three dances, and just talked to everyone. It's been really nice. 

BOOK THINGS

My grandma gave me a beautiful copy of The Secret Life of Bees. I've seen the movie but hadn't read the book, but once I picked it up I couldn't put it down! I DEFINITELY recommend this book to everyone!!! It's a good book for fall, too. Even though it takes place in summer. It's got fall-ish vibes. 

I'm also working on reading through the Psalms. It was kind of a spontaneous decision to read the Psalms, but I'm glad I am. :)

I'm reading Great Expectations for school and OH MY GOSH Dickens is officially my favorite writer. All the imagery! And just his amazing way with words!! I hope to have a FRACTION of his skill someday. 

WRITING THINGS

I'm slowly but surely working my way through my WIP. I'm going so slow it's ridiculous. I think this is going to be my longest manuscript ever though, which will be quite an achievement for me if I can actually do it. Still deciding if I want to do NaNo or not, but I'm leaning towards yes because I desperately need motivation. 

September was...

//coffee coffee coffee

//talking over the noise of crowds

//late nights

//waffles in the morning

//Snapples

//falling asleep with lightning flashing outside my window

//sunburns

//string lights

Favorite September moments...

//11PM In N Out runs

//getting new notebooks

//going out to eat with family

//setting up for the first school dance

//getting accepted to college

Let's talk! How was your month?