The main reason is that the laptop crashed and I (like an idiot) had only backed up about 3/4 of it. Which sucks. Because I had daydreamed of holding this one in my hand one day. But now that a lot of it is lost in cyberspace, I'm not working on it anymore. Call me a quitter, it's okay, I'm living with it.
And I think it's a good thing because before the laptop crashed I had to force myself to sit down and write every day. It was a chore. I'd set rewards for myself, like, if you can write 500 words tonight, you can do this, that, or the other thing. But I've talked to writers recently who wake up every morning just itching to sit down and work on their WIPs. They have such a beautiful, strong motivation to just do it, and it's not a chore that needs a reward at the end of it to get it done--it is a reward in itself. And I just didn't have that with this one. The concept and the characters are still in my heart in a special way, I'm so madly in love with it all. it's just one of those things that is adding to the stress and maybe now isn't the time to be working on it.
At first this scared me a bit. I thought maybe I was losing some of my writing passion. But since stopping, I've realized how I itch to write other things. Shorter things, maybe. I have more blog post ideas, short story ideas. I want to write little articles about things going on in the world, if not for the world, then just for me. I feel motivated to write again and it’s a great feeling.
I think you guys deserve a little life update.
It’s Easter break. I find myself sleeping in and feeling well-rested. Eating eggs for lunch, which is a luxury in my mind. Making myself wear outfits other than my go-to jeans and an oversized college hoodie and just generally taking better care of my appearance. Drinking more water because it’s a lifesaver. Going downtown and looking in shops I don’t normally look in. Not stressing about my future anymore because I’m convinced God has it under control. Writing down ideas. Looking forward to graduation. Getting ready for the day lazily and slowly, a cup of black coffee on my dresser.
I dunno, guys. It’s the little things I guess that add up to the big things. But right now, I’ve got six weeks left of school and four and a half months until I move to college, and those may seem like big things (probably because they are) but the time is going to be so so filled with all these little moments that I can’t wait to experience.
