Two Minute Thoughts

I'm an adult now but I don't want that to mean what everyone seems to think it means. I don't want to feel that pressure on my last day of being 17, a "minor", to do crazy things or act wild and young just because my time as a child is over in a few hours. Because your childhood doesn't end in a second. It doesn't stop as the clock switches from 11:59 to 12:00 AM. Everyone's childhood ends differently. Sometimes it's a process. So my childhood may have ended a while ago, or maybe I'm still a child. 

Either way, I'm not going to put pressure on myself to do things before I'm 18. If we didn't document the exact date of my birth, nobody would notice any change in me from November 21 to November 22. It's all just a huge fuss over time. When November 22 does come, I won't suddenly be all grown up because I'm still growing and learning. I still go into giggling fits over stupid jokes. I still dream of traveling the world and writing about what I see and who I meet. I still stay up late with my friends on caffeine highs singing dumb songs. But I also feel sentimental over old memories from when I really was young. The conversations I have with people are deeper and more thoughtful and carry more meaning. I'm getting ready for college and earning money and thinking about the future. 

I think I'm in the middle of this growing up process and it won't be finished for a while. But that's ok. I'm just along for the ride.

Piece by Piece

She would always smile. 

She'd walk into the room and smile at me sometimes, but I could hear the whispering from behind me. I could hear the sound of the voices in the room change. I could hear the way they laughed. 

She'd laugh and make a joke and I would hear the dulled mocking next to me. I'd hear them laughing, but not with her. I'd hear what they had to say about her and her joke after she left the room. And I always wish I hadn't. 

I saw their faces when they looked at her. I heard the way they tore her down. Piece by piece, I watched as they could take every one of her flaws and put them up on a billboard. They ignored how kind she was. How happy she was. How she cared for everyone. None of that mattered to them. They found everything wrong with her that they didn't want to see in themselves. 

She was always smiling. 

But suddenly, 

She wasn't. 

:: :: ::

I've been thinking a lot about bullying lately, and how it affects people. How bullies can take someone's personal insecurities and blow them up for the world to see. It's disgusting and more people need to be aware of how big of an issue it is. Even if you consider the "joke" insignificant, it could have a lasting effect on someone. We all need to be kinder. 

Hello November!

It's the writing season! The stay-up-to-a-time-of-night-you-didn't-realize-existed-and-write-till-you're-sick season! The best season! *no sarcasm whatsoever* 

Happy NaNo month! Why are you reading this, go write! 
Or you know, write after you read this, that works too. I like when people read my posts x)

October was a whirlwind. I knew it was going to be a whirlwind too, back in September, and I couldn't wait for October to come! And now it's over. But that's okay because now I have a new month-full of memories. 

LIFE THINGS

Lots of thinking about college (I'm so excited I can't contain it). Lots of late night adventures, bonfires, lots of midnight sugar-highs, lots of coffee. October was a month of nighttime. Driving around town at night, getting ice cream with friends at 11 PM, painting the street under street lamps. 

Oh yeah, that was cool. In a small town about a half an hour away, they have an all-night festival thing where people come and paint the street. I went for the first time with some friends, and there were so many colors and patterns and people and lights and noises and smells. It was an experience. 

It was a month of nighttime... and art. An art walk downtown. A class trip to an art museum. Painting in the middle of the night. 

October was a whirlwind. Of colors. Of patterns. Of stars. 

BOOK THINGS

I finished Great Expectations, but other than that, not a lot of reading happened. The month was too full, too active. The good news is, November is looking like a reading month to me :) 

WRITING THINGS

I should start keeping track of exactly how many words I write in a month. But I got a good amount of writing in this month, surprisingly. I discovered I focus best on writing when I'm in coffee shops, and I've found my favorite table in my favorite coffee shop and it's all very aesthetic. (And can we talk about how many good fall-themes chai drinks are out now it's the greatest)

And obviously, this month is dedicated to writing. Step aside, social life. Writing is top priority the next 30 days. 

October was...

//crunching leaves

//the smell of coffee

//being wrapped up in blankets on the screen porch, listening to the quiet of night

//sipping iced drinks through a straw

//sandy feet

//car doors at midnight

//the smell of bonfire that lingers on your clothes

//scratchy haybales

Favorite October Moments...

//my friend waking me up with coffee

//ordering too many nachos

//the festival

//the art walk downtown

//taking my sister to see Spiderman

//the multiple bonfires

//running through sprinklers

//stargazing under blankets while Ed Sheeran sang softly in the background

//walking along the beach

Let's talk! How was your month? Are you doing NaNo this year?