The Unmovable Rock

Last night I found out I got accepted to college. 

This is a weird feeling for me, looking back on all the times in the past year I've felt so overwhelmed with thoughts like what if I don't get in... I get to look back on the times I got stressed out over a failed test, knowing everything affects how colleges will look at me. I get to remember sitting in my aunt's kitchen on my phone and seeing my SAT scores in my inbox. I freaked out over that, I freaked out over writing my ((six)) application essays, I freaked out over taking each PSAT. I lay in my room and cried on bad days, just positive I wasn't good enough, that even God wasn't strong enough to open this door that seemed so closed to me from where I was. 

I surprised myself at first last night. After I got off the phone, I smiled and felt a bit shaky, but it didn't really process. I did what I always imagined I would do if I found out I got in, which was call my best friend. She didn't pick up, so I texted her instead. I realized I should tell my mom and everyone, but first I sat on my bed for the sheer joy of sitting in the same place where I had nearly drowned in all the pressure I'd felt over the past year. And now I could sit there without the huge weight. 

The minute I stepped out into the hallway, it processed. I broke down into a full-on ugly cry. I haven't sobbed so hard in years. 

This was what I've been striving for since before I even started seriously thinking about college. When I was little, it was the college I just assumed I'd go to, but then as I grew up, I realized it's more complicated. Life's more complicated. I might not be good enough. 

And I knew this is what God had planned for me. I knew God was calling me to go to this unbelievable school. But I still sometimes thought, when the door seemed so locked, that maybe not even God could open it. If something seems so impossible, it can be hard to see that He is bigger than this. 

Can God create a rock He cannot lift?

We've all heard this little paradox I'm sure, and for I while, I thought maybe. 

What we have to realize is that He is the Unmovable Rock. 

I started this post thinking it would be about my journey of applying to school, all the doubts and stuff. But that's not really important anymore. It's part of my story, and I love it and wouldn't change a thing, but what's more important is what I've learned from it. 

God is so much bigger than our fears, and He is so much stronger than the bolted door we see. If it's meant to open it will. And God opened this door for me. 

I couldn't be happier :)

A Post

I write books in cafes. I like the smell of coffee in the background and the music playing softly below the chatter. I like watching people come in and out while I type. I enjoy the light from the big windows, the sound of the coffee grinder, the squeak of the chairs. My mind can focus on creating the plot, involving the characters, thinking more deeply. I can focus. 


I write poetry on my bedroom floor. The dappled light from my window splashes across the pages of my notebook, where I try to put words to an emotion. Everything is still, but my mind is a thunderstorm. 


-----------------
Sorry for the lack of posting and for the awkwardness of this one. How've you been?

Hello September!

September, you came too quickly. 

So that's that. Another summer come and gone. My friend was telling me this morning how it may have been the best summer of her life, but honestly, for me it went by so fast it all seems so blurry when I look back on it. I really can't compare it to past summers. It's felt like just a small moment in time, not three months. 

However, when someone in the future will ask about my summer of 2017, I'll think of only good memories, happy feelings, moments of laughter. Nothing bad comes to mind. So yeah. I guess it was one of the better ones. 

But this is just about August. 

LIFE THINGS

I came home from the summer program, which was the best two weeks of my life. I said goodbye to a good friend going off to college.  I sat in a coffee shop and drank iced chai lattes and worked on my story for hours. I went to the beach with new friends. I started Senior year of high school (waaaat). 

BOOK THINGS

I read The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie. Gotta say, the whole first half of the book, I wasn't loving it too much... But WOW that plot twist tho!! If you haven't read Agatha Christie and are looking to read something with wit, suspense, MURDERRRR, surprises, tea, and British accents, all rolled in to a nice convenient little cinnamon roll of a book, Agatha Christie is the one for you, my fren. 

WRITING THINGS

I mentioned this above, but I spent multiple hours in a local coffee shop writing alllll the words. It's still very much a work in progress, and I'm not going nearly as fast as I would like to. But I haven't had a ton of time to write recently, so the fact that I was able to make myself stay at this coffee shop for such a long period of time just writing, writing, writing, (and I managed to figure out a scene I'd been stuck on, thankyouverymuch) was surprising to me. 

AUGUST WAS...

//heat waves (!!!) 

//a feeling of independence, yet familiarity

//driving with the windows down

//planning

//iced lattes

//palm trees and sunshine

//new nail polish

FAVORITE AUGUST MOMENTS...

//watching Sherlock with my brother

//getting coffee after school

//playing capture the flag in the cul-de-sac with alllll my siblings

//music festivals

//spontaneously going to a party with my friend when the party was already half-way over...

//Senior year...

LET'S TALK! HOW WAS YOUR AUGUST?