The Giant Puzzle Called Life.

My brother was reading on the couch across the room from where I'm sitting and a few minutes ago he stood up and groaned and said, "Well I'm zonked, as they say."

Me: "Nobody says that." 

This is the second time in a row I'm blogging after 9PM, which isn't that late, but I mean... I'd like to sleep at some point.... 

I finished Harry Potter yesterday and the universe decided to cut me some slack because DUMBLEDORE DOESN'T COME BACK except in a near-death vision, which naturally doesn't count SO MY LITTLE WRITER-SELF IS SATISFIED. 

I'm in a situation. I have the most obnoxious cut on my lip and I keep picking at it and it won't go away. Probably because I keep touching it but I wish it would leave. My goodness. So annoying. Also annoying: I have to take the CTBS test tomorrow morning and I just can't function in the morning, just ask my geometry teacher. It makes me think of the PSAT I took a few months back and that's not a fond memory to have. Also, I was just informed about the test yesterday?? Not even half a week's notice?? Who does this?? 

And I owe my friend cookies because I lost a bet. 

We bet with cookies. 

We're not normal. 

WHAT I'M TRYING TO TELL YOU is that even though I lost a bet and I have to take a test tomorrow that lasts all freaking morning and I have the most annoying cut on my lip that refuses to just go away forever like how hard is *that*..... Life is good. 

I was talking to a friend of mine earlier and he had a moment of wisdom and told me, we have to learn to appreciate the small things in life that give us joy, in order to see the bigger things. I agree. It's all pieces of a giant, confusing puzzle called LIFE (not the board game... or the cereal...) 

looks like some kind of book cover...

I'm an awkward person by nature, but most of the time I can joke about it. I say dumb stuff like, "That awkward moment between your birth and your death," generally referring to myself. And life is awkward. We come in contact with people constantly and we all act differently around different people and we mess up and find ourselves in weird, uncomfortable, and sometimes painful situations. Life's a puzzle and sometimes we lose a piece. But the trick is to stay calm and just trust that the missing piece will come back to you. 

It's all a matter of trust. I can be very trusting, sometimes too trusting. I've trusted people who later make me question why I ever did. When I was little, I was innocent and trusting and ended up with fake friends and bullies. Now I'm more cautious, but just in general, I want to trust people. It's hard for me to not trust people, because sometimes I like to think that everyone is trustworthy and I ignore all the times people have proved me wrong. 

And then I wonder if I'm trustworthy. I think we all like to think of ourselves as trustworthy. But I know that there are people who don't and won't trust me in life. And we can't read each other's souls, how are we supposed to know who is really going to be there for us in the future? How should we know what a person's true character is? We don't. But we trust. 

I trust God. I trust Him above all else. I trust in Him more than I trust in myself, because I mess up and without God I'm unreliable and broken. 

I trust that the missing puzzle piece will come back. Because people have let me down in life. And I've probably let people down. But the one who has never let me down and whom I will never let down is God. And that's how I know that the missing puzzle piece doesn't always stay missing. 

Some things to think about during your week :)

I don't know why I'm blogging so late.

Chances are you've seen those little poems about life and love written by "Atticus" somewhere on the Internet. They usually appear in that typewriter print on a plain white background and they're very deep and I like them a lot... And I kind of got inspired to write after reading some of them tonight, so here you have it. 

Don't judge me, I literally sat down for five minutes and scratched this out real quick. I haven't written in a while, and it felt nice to get this onto paper. Lately I've felt like my creative well's run dry, but this is proof that I'm not done yet. 

And I doubt I ever will be done. I may not write all the time, but I'm always creating in my head. Everything I experience in life could be used in something I write later on, so I make many mental notes to myself about it. 

Words are so wonderful. It's frustrating to me when I can't explain something in words, like when you're searching for just the right word and it won't come, or you try to express a thought or an emotion and it just can't be described. That frustrates me. I guess some people like that some things are too abstract to be confined by twenty-six letters, but I like being able to put words to things. It helps me understand it better. 

I'm really very tired. Can you tell? I don't know how some people can go through a night without any sleep, I would just be dead. I would be worse than dead, I'd be a zombie. 

So I'm going to leave before I become a zombie because nobody wants to see that...

This Post Contains Spoilers. You're Welcome.

I've come to the conclusion that geometry feels very unnecessary in life. I don't know how to do taxes or buy a house but that's okay because I know the Pythagorean Theorem. 

I guess it's a little early for me to be talking about taxes, but STILL. 

It's really very hot outside and I feel rather like crap but I'm drinking my tea anyways so I feel a little more human. The past few days have been very exercise-y for me... I went on multiple walks and in P.E. class on Friday my teacher worked us pretty hard and then last night was a school dance, and I'm very sore. I'm also a wimp, but whatever. 

I like being sore, but I don't like having to move when I'm sore. I was sore yesterday, but I was running around all day yesterday. I had play rehearsal in the morning and I was with some friends all afternoon and then the dance that night. Yesterday afternoon, I tried to lift myself into the car on my sore leg and totally collapsed. I'm so coordinated. 

I was thinking earlier about the Harry Potter books. I'm reading the last one and was thinking about how if Dumbledore comes back to life somehow I would throw the book away and burn it because, my dear authors, if you want to kill off a character, commit to it and keep that character killed. I hate it when a friend or loved one of the protagonist dies and the protagonist goes through all the trials of losing a loved one and then in the end it turns out they weren't actually dead or they found something to bring them back to life... Let us feel the pain of the protagonist! Don't make it all, don't worry, it's okay, I'm alive, stop feeling, I'm okay!! 

Authors should strive to make the reader feel the emotions of the character. If you make the choice to kill off one of your characters than DO IT MY GOODNESS AND DON'T HAVE SECOND THOUGHTS ABOUT IT LATER. Don't make us all sad about losing a character and then turn it around and bring that character back because it's just weird and confusing and it makes us question our own emotions. 

Maybe it's just me, actually. 

I think too much. 

Now watch as I return in a few days after finishing the book and Dumbledore does come back and I start ranting like no other. 

I will. If that happens I will. 
Nobody spoil it for me. 

I have my Jane Austen mug in front of me. It's covered in her wonderful quotes, such as: 

PC: my brother

Jane Austen is my favorite author of all time. She's got such a wonderful writing style, but she's also funny and interesting. 

"One cannot have too large a party." ~Jane Austen

Words to live by xD

The Text Tag!

Before I get into this, I'd like to say that this is my 200th post!! And I want to thank all my readers. Really, it makes me so happy that people actually read this, you guys have no idea x) 

BUT NOW! 



The fantabulous fabulous Grace Anne nominated me for the Text Tag! Thank you, Grace! I'm excited to do this ;) 

How this works: 

i. Thank the person who nominated you and give a link to their blog

ii. Answer the original 6 text-themed questions

iii. Add a typography/word related question of your own for those you tagged to answer

iv. Tag 6+ bloggers and let them know

v. Include these rules in your post

We'll see if I actually end up tagging six or more people, and we'll also see how coherent my answers are, but I'm excited to give this a try so here goes nothing! 

i. What is your favorite letter of the alphabet?

"J", don't ask me why, because I couldn't tell you, but it's a pretty fun letter.

ii. What are three words you love?

Oooh, I love words! I love wonderful words! But three of my favorites would have to be "wonderland", "life", and "fire". Again, don't ask why.

iii. What are three words you hate?

I've given this a lot of thought. There aren't a ton of words I hate. But I don't really care for the words "bland", "stump", and "lamp". They're just kind of boring.

iv. If you were to create a word, what would it be, and what would it describe?

Alright, when I first saw this question, I thought I would create an amazingly awesome word that describes the smell of cooking bacon. But then I decided to not do that, although that may be a future project, I dunno... I also wish I could take credit for the words "romantical", "fantabulous", and "kerfluffle". But I can't. 

.

.

.

.....I just spent many minutes trying to come up with a word, but I can't do it, so I'm back to my bacon idea. 

Heaventastic (HEH-von-TAS-tic)--adj.-- of or pertaining to the wonderful smell of cooking bacon. 

You're welcome, fellow bacon enthusiasts.

v. What are your three favorite punctuation marks?

*^;

vi. What are three of your favorite fonts?

I like Dancing Script, but I also just like anything fancy and swirly... Dancing Script, Indie Flower, and Pacifico....

vii. (question from Ava) Do you prefer writing on paper or typing?

CAN I SAY BOTH?? CAN I?? It really depends on my mood.

viii. (question from Grace) What is one word that means a lot to you?

 I'm super sentimental, I could probably think of hundreds of words that mean a lot to me, given the time, but at the top of my head, one word that means a lot to me is "light". 

Now I'm thinking about my own sentimentality and wondering why I have so much of it.

Grace why are you so good at thinking up awesome questions??

My question to all my nominees, should you choose to accept it:

If you could sum up your biggest adventure in three words, what would those words be?




I'm so bad at coming up with questions x) 

MY NOMINEES:

Jo
Emma
Claire
Monica
Emma Grace
Elizabeth

And if you want to do this, please do! I nominate you!! Leave me a link in the comments so I can check it out ;)

In which I make a list and discuss the meaning of life.

People.
Life suddenly got so much harder.

Seriously, I thought I had gotten used to this whole tenth grade thing, seeing as it's April now, but life decided to kick it up a notch. I'm so freaking busy!! (Read: I'm giving poor excuses for not blogging right now!!) I literally was staying after school every day this week, and often I couldn't leave school until 5 PM! School gets out at 2:45... Play rehearsals have gotten waaay more time consuming, and since we're not going to have a tech week we have to figure out all the transitions and the props and all the little things now and it's quite stressful and guys I'm so busy I don't even understand. I also have homework and tests and exams in the near future. 

I can technically get my drivers license this month, but I'M SO BUSY I DON'T KNOW IF I HAVE TIME because I still also have to take one more driving lesson but my schedule is so booked. Not even weekends, guys. Not even weekends are free anymore. No more freedom. I really want my license, but I think it's going to have to wait. But in the meantime, I've been practicing a lot. I've been driving my brothers and my parents around and stuff... I recently drove my friend and myself to school. Because she decided she trusts me xD. 

So here's a list of some things I've learned this week: 

• I get more things done with music. 
• Multitasking is a necessary skill if you want to get through life. 
• I can multitask, when needed.
• Pop-tarts are wonderful. Even untoasted, they're just on point. 
• When you're stressed, everything suddenly gets feels thousand times worse than it is.
• A nice thing to do if you're stressed/anxious, watch TV at night in comfortable clothes whilst eating ice cream straight from the container. 
• Sleep is such a magical, wonderful thing, which I haven't been getting a ton of lately. 
• I need to learn to let go of things that, in the long-run, don't matter. 
• Ed Sheeran is just my favorite. 
• Childhood is not something you can get back, unfortunately. 
• Worms are a lot more complicated than they look. I dissected a foot-long earthworm in biology this week. 
• The My Fair Lady soundtrack is perfection. 
• QUADRATIC EQUATIONS ARE DUMB

....Turns out I learned a lot this week. And I'm having trouble in math, as you can tell from that last point. 

But, life is a learning experience. I try to learn things everywhere I go, because our experiences are our stories, and I think that's why I chose the above quote: "Don't forget, nobody else sees the world the way you do, so nobody has the stories you have to tell." I can honestly say that I've learned many things the hard way. But it's good that we all learn from our experiences. Whether I'm singing "The A Team" in the rain with my friends or dying in Geometry class or lying on my bed staring at the ceiling and reliving a bad day, I try to learn from the people around me and from the things I go through each day. 

I'm not saying you should try to find a silver lining in every situation, because sometimes that's a hard thing to do, but we all learn from our mistakes and our experiences. 
But silver linings are good too. But that's not necessarily what I'm talking about right now. 

I need tea because it poured today, and I was at school for many hours for play rehearsal, and I got soaked and teenager drama and my shoes are all muddy and I ate too many pretzels, if there is such a thing as too many pretzels. 
And that's why I need tea, yes. 

Hello April.

Easter break has been good to me. Also I'm really in love with the above picture....

MARCH IN REVIEW

I did more in March than I did in both February and January put together I think. I read a ton this month. I also started writing again. I'd kind of stopped after November and was just planning on giving myself December as a break from writing because of the holidays and exams and stuff, but it's hard to get back in the habit once you've stopped. But I've actually been writing again, which is nice. 

Also, driving update: I'm getting better. It's gotten to the point where I can just be driving my dad somewhere and my sister will be reading in the backseat and my dad's listening to the radio and all he has to do is give me directions... I mean, there have been mishaps, like, I freaked out in the Whole Foods parking lot and accidentally almost hit the curb... BUT OTHER THAN THAT I'm getting better at it. My biggest problem at this point is speed because I don't like to go faster than 45 MPH but sometimes it's required to go faster because this is California. And I don't like that. I can do it, I juts don't like it and there's a higher chance of me freaking out. I can technically get my license this month. I dunno though....

I also took the National Latin Exam. And I'm trying to decide what language to take next year, but I'm thinking about continuing Latin. Not sure yet. 

And then there was Easter, of course, and guys, my trashcan is filled with candy wrappers. Not even joking, it's a little sad. But I had a good Easter. 

I'm also in my school production of My Fair Lady. And that's happening next month. And rehearsals have been getting longer and more frequent and we have costumes now and it's feeling more real and not just like it's a bunch of teenagers goofing around. But I am telling you, my school is probably the only school where you can go outside during recess and hear a bunch of teenage boys singing the My Fair Lady soundtrack while playing basketball. In multiple parts too, bass and tenor and all that. It's quite impressive. If this is a regular thing at your school too, let me know so I don't feel alone in this x). 

So as you can see, my March was much more productive than the previous few months. And I have a feeling that April will be fairly productive too, seeing as we're nearing the end of the school year. I think January and February are just boring months and that's why I did nothing... 

How was your March?