2017 Wrap-Up

my mom got me this calendar and one of those candles :) kinda super aesthetic.

I know, I know. This is the most common post title in the blogging community these days. But it's simple and easy and we are wrapping up the year, after all. 

2017 was a crazy, amazing, wonderful year. Not meaning it was all fun and every day I was happy and only good things happened to me. But I grew up a little more this year and became a little more of the person I'm hoping to be. 
It was anything but a boring year. 

Some highlights...

I turned 18. I started Senior year of high school. I got accepted to college. I had my first job interview. I rediscovered my immense love for sushi. I figured out that happiness isn't something that happens to us, it's a choice. I exercised regularly. I started spiritual direction and learned to take my relationship with God more seriously. I consecrated myself to Mary. I learned to properly drive in LA (sort of). The Thomas Fire came hurtling through my hometown and burned so much. I spent the first half of the year plotting my new book and spent the second half writing it. I took the SAT. I went to a two week college program over the summer, which definitely was two of the best weeks ever. I celebrated my three-year blogoversary. I went to Palm Springs with a bunch of my family. I participated in Kate's Blood Race Blog Tour! Over spring break, I went back to the East Coast which was an awesome trip. I privately published my last novel and held it in my hands for the first time. Back in January, I went up to San Francisco for the West Coast Walk For Life. 

It was a good year. 

I'm not really setting any goals for myself this year, as 2018 is probably going to be the craziest year of my life so far. I'm going to graduate high school in five short months and then in eight months I'll be off to college. I do have plans for this blog once I leave home in August to a new home where there is no consistent wifi... I do have plans, and I'll let you know what those plans are once that time comes. 

2018 is going to be a mountain. But I'm taking it step by step. 

Over the year I kept a list of things I learned throughout the year. I've done this for the past two years and I really like it (here's 2015 and here's 2016). Here's a compilation of what I learned in 2017: 

//Don't lie. Ever. 

//Stress is the worst, but tea helps

//Live in the moment!!

//You can be stressed and happy at the same time

//Take initiative!

//Beautiful little things happen :)

//Don't live a life of missed opportunities

//It's easier to be happy

//Who cares? Be happy anyway

//Sometimes it's not worth is; and you should be able to distinguish those moments from the moments where it's worth everything

//Hardship passes

//Compliment people :)

//I don't like competing

Let's talk!! How was your year? Do you have any goals? Happy New Year and thanks so much for reading!!

The Year the Winds Were Cold

The Santa Anna winds come up sometime in the first semester of school every year. They come hot and fast and dry, and it's my least favorite week of school for the whole year. It's a week of chapped lips and holding our skirts down and fanning our faces and necks with papers and books. 
But this year, for whatever reason, they came late. On Monday, December 4th, the winds came with a wintery bite instead of a heat wave. They still came strongly. 
I left school late that day. All over campus were the usual conversations of "I can't believe it's only Monday" and "see you tomorrow!" My friend walked me to my car and we laughed most of the way. It was cloudy and the sun had set, giving the world a purple hue. I drove away, wondering when I would have time to write my thesis or finish my math homework. 
That night, the wind picked up. I sat on my bed watching random comedian clips when I got a text from a friend on the East Coast, asking if I was okay. When I asked why, she told me about the fire. 

the actual fire (not my image)

About half and hour away, the college I'm going to next year was being evacuated due to a fire in the hills. I called my cousin who goes to that school to find out if he was okay and where he was going, and he in turn asked if I was okay and if our grandparents were okay. Our grandparents live down the block from me, and we all were a good half an hour from the college. I scoffed because I couldn't believe he was worried. We weren't in danger. It was not the first time there had been a little fire in the hills up there. I was fine. 
An hour later, my dad told me the fire was looking bad and that I might want to pack a bag, "just in case." I didn't. Not right away, anyway. I was comfortable in my bed and the loud wind outside made my room seem more cozy, and I wasn't in a big hurry to pack anything. I had school the next day, after all. 
Around 10:30 PM, the lamps in my room blinked. Then again. Then it was dark. You've got to be kidding me. I turned on the flashlight and went out in the hall and my dad told me to pack a bag again. 
The fire was coming. The fire was here. I threw a couple t-shirts in a backpack and anything that was irreplaceable to me. But looking around my room, I realized how little of it was irreplaceable. I took my favorite hoodie, my school books, the nice pair of earrings my grandma had given me, my notebook. That's about it. We met my grandparents and we left. 10:48 PM. 
I had to drive one of the cars part way, just far enough till it was away from the fire. My brother came with me. The wind was brutal, the smoke poisoned the air. 
As we left town, I could see the hills I lived on. They were ablaze with hellish flames.  

I got to come home today. My house survived, by some miracle. The air is still not that great, and all my stuff smells like smoke. The fields across the street are charred and black and the houses aren't there anymore. 
I wonder when it won't be strange to drive down the streets that used to be so memorized in my mind and see them so altered. I wonder when I won't be shocked as every other house is in ruins and people I know are homeless. I wonder when I'll be able to drink water from my own faucet. I wonder if the image of my hillside in flames will ever fade. 

I write this all down, not to ask for a pity party or try and tell you all that I went through some harrowing experience, because it isn't true. I got so lucky. Not everyone was. I write all this down because I want to remember all the details. I want to remember how it happened. I want to always remember that I can't take my home and belongings for granted. 

The year the winds were cold was the year my world went up in flames. 

Hello December!

I'm alive, I'm alive, mainly because I didn't officially do NaNo this year... Did you?? If you did, I'd like to personally send you recovery coffee and Oreos. Whether you met your goal or not, nice work, you incredible person!! It takes a lot to take on the beast of NaNo. 

LIFE THINGS

November was much more chill than October, by far! Socially, I mean. In October, I was kind of all over the place, but this month I spent a lot of time at home, writing, reading, making cookie butter milkshakes (which are my new favorite...), baking, among other things that didn't involve leaving the house or seeing people. :) 

Not to say I didn't go out at all. For one, this month was our school gala auction, which I worked at. That meant, being at the Ronald Reagan Library for over thirteen hours. If you have never been to the Ronald Reagan Library before, I highly recommend it, but maybe don't stay for thirteen hours. 

Also a friend from Georgia came into town for a weekend. I drove down to LA and back. I auditioned for Zaneeta in our production of Music Man. I turned eighteen (????). I went to a basketball game with a friend. THANKSGIVING. 

I started spiritual direction this month also, because I feel like my spiritual life has been rather dry lately, and it's been incredibly helpful. I'm so so so thankful that I have this opportunity to talk about God and everything that's been going on (or not going on) between Him and me with someone who is so much wiser than I am. 

BOOK THINGS

I read two Agatha Christie books. And Then There Were None and Murder on the Orient Express. Guys. Agatha Christie is a genius. I did go see the movie Murder on the Orient Express, and to be honest, I thought it was underwhelming. The book was better (when is it not). 

WRITING THINGS

Like I said, I didn't officially do NaNo this year. BUT seeing you guys being all supportive of each other on Twitter all month long was so inspiring that I actually got a ton of writing done! In the beginning of the month, I was writing maybe 500 words a day, which was an upgrade from my 1K words a week that I had done in October. But then I sort of discovered how to get myself more into it. I discovered I write best and most between 5PM and 7PM. School and homework are done, but dinner isn't quite ready and I have nothing else to do, so I turn all the lights off in my room, turn on one of Abbie's Spotify writing playlists, and get to work! It's actually kind of weird, because at 5PM, it's not that dark out yet so having all the lights off isn't a huge deal. But then I get so wrapped up in my writing and the music cuts out all my distractions, so when I look up from the computer screen two hours later, I'm surprised by how dark it suddenly is. Keeping the room dark actually helps cut out my distractions too. 

A few days ago I surprised myself by writing 2K words in an hour and a half! I think that's a record for me. I'm still super slow, but I'm getting better. 

I am putting this project aside for December, though, or at least for the first week or two, because I have to write my senior thesis and it's due in a few weeks. So unfortunately, my WIP is going on the shelf for the time being. 

NOVEMBER WAS...

//music in the car

//traffic lights at night

//ice cream

//hugs

//fuzzy socks

//milkshakes on cold days

//conversations about the more important things

//classic rock

//ping pong games

FAVORITE NOVEMBER MOMENTS...

//driving my cousins home at one AM. listening to music loudly and trying to lose our voices. finding our way around Los Angeles while staying awake thanks to the sugar highs. 

//drinking peppermint mochas and blasting Christmas music in the car the morning after Thanksgiving. 

//getting family together for Thanksgiving and taking time to see the little blessings in our lives.

//a class trip to my teacher's ranch. playing ping pong and darts outside. eating pizza and talking about Niagara Falls and flying chairs. riding horses and making jokes.

//eating too much sushi on my birthday.

//going through old memories and making new ones.

//writing in a dark room. 

//walking around the Ronald Reagan Library. sneaking into exhibits. taking pictures and laughing about nothing. 

LET'S TALK! HOW WAS YOUR MONTH?

Two Minute Thoughts

I'm an adult now but I don't want that to mean what everyone seems to think it means. I don't want to feel that pressure on my last day of being 17, a "minor", to do crazy things or act wild and young just because my time as a child is over in a few hours. Because your childhood doesn't end in a second. It doesn't stop as the clock switches from 11:59 to 12:00 AM. Everyone's childhood ends differently. Sometimes it's a process. So my childhood may have ended a while ago, or maybe I'm still a child. 

Either way, I'm not going to put pressure on myself to do things before I'm 18. If we didn't document the exact date of my birth, nobody would notice any change in me from November 21 to November 22. It's all just a huge fuss over time. When November 22 does come, I won't suddenly be all grown up because I'm still growing and learning. I still go into giggling fits over stupid jokes. I still dream of traveling the world and writing about what I see and who I meet. I still stay up late with my friends on caffeine highs singing dumb songs. But I also feel sentimental over old memories from when I really was young. The conversations I have with people are deeper and more thoughtful and carry more meaning. I'm getting ready for college and earning money and thinking about the future. 

I think I'm in the middle of this growing up process and it won't be finished for a while. But that's ok. I'm just along for the ride.

Piece by Piece

She would always smile. 

She'd walk into the room and smile at me sometimes, but I could hear the whispering from behind me. I could hear the sound of the voices in the room change. I could hear the way they laughed. 

She'd laugh and make a joke and I would hear the dulled mocking next to me. I'd hear them laughing, but not with her. I'd hear what they had to say about her and her joke after she left the room. And I always wish I hadn't. 

I saw their faces when they looked at her. I heard the way they tore her down. Piece by piece, I watched as they could take every one of her flaws and put them up on a billboard. They ignored how kind she was. How happy she was. How she cared for everyone. None of that mattered to them. They found everything wrong with her that they didn't want to see in themselves. 

She was always smiling. 

But suddenly, 

She wasn't. 

:: :: ::

I've been thinking a lot about bullying lately, and how it affects people. How bullies can take someone's personal insecurities and blow them up for the world to see. It's disgusting and more people need to be aware of how big of an issue it is. Even if you consider the "joke" insignificant, it could have a lasting effect on someone. We all need to be kinder. 

Hello November!

It's the writing season! The stay-up-to-a-time-of-night-you-didn't-realize-existed-and-write-till-you're-sick season! The best season! *no sarcasm whatsoever* 

Happy NaNo month! Why are you reading this, go write! 
Or you know, write after you read this, that works too. I like when people read my posts x)

October was a whirlwind. I knew it was going to be a whirlwind too, back in September, and I couldn't wait for October to come! And now it's over. But that's okay because now I have a new month-full of memories. 

LIFE THINGS

Lots of thinking about college (I'm so excited I can't contain it). Lots of late night adventures, bonfires, lots of midnight sugar-highs, lots of coffee. October was a month of nighttime. Driving around town at night, getting ice cream with friends at 11 PM, painting the street under street lamps. 

Oh yeah, that was cool. In a small town about a half an hour away, they have an all-night festival thing where people come and paint the street. I went for the first time with some friends, and there were so many colors and patterns and people and lights and noises and smells. It was an experience. 

It was a month of nighttime... and art. An art walk downtown. A class trip to an art museum. Painting in the middle of the night. 

October was a whirlwind. Of colors. Of patterns. Of stars. 

BOOK THINGS

I finished Great Expectations, but other than that, not a lot of reading happened. The month was too full, too active. The good news is, November is looking like a reading month to me :) 

WRITING THINGS

I should start keeping track of exactly how many words I write in a month. But I got a good amount of writing in this month, surprisingly. I discovered I focus best on writing when I'm in coffee shops, and I've found my favorite table in my favorite coffee shop and it's all very aesthetic. (And can we talk about how many good fall-themes chai drinks are out now it's the greatest)

And obviously, this month is dedicated to writing. Step aside, social life. Writing is top priority the next 30 days. 

October was...

//crunching leaves

//the smell of coffee

//being wrapped up in blankets on the screen porch, listening to the quiet of night

//sipping iced drinks through a straw

//sandy feet

//car doors at midnight

//the smell of bonfire that lingers on your clothes

//scratchy haybales

Favorite October Moments...

//my friend waking me up with coffee

//ordering too many nachos

//the festival

//the art walk downtown

//taking my sister to see Spiderman

//the multiple bonfires

//running through sprinklers

//stargazing under blankets while Ed Sheeran sang softly in the background

//walking along the beach

Let's talk! How was your month? Are you doing NaNo this year?

Note to Self

Dear Self. 

Don't be crazy. I know it's hot out right now, and heat makes me irritable. But don't be crazy.

Take a shower. I'm sweaty and gross from exercising in this thousand degree weather, and now I need a shower. 

Don't be afraid of spending money, but keep in mind that I have no constant source of income at the moment. 

Think before I speak. Not every thought that comes to my mind is God's gift to the world, and therefore not every thought needs to be shared. Filter out the fluff from the good, kind words that will brighten someone's day. 

Stop procrastinating. I need to write my history essay. I need to do laundry. I need to plot and organize an outline for NaNo. I need to stop with the Netflix and get some work done. 

Stop being afraid, because it's holding me back. I can't be afraid of people not liking me, I can't be afraid of the future, I can't be afraid of truth, and I can't be afraid of screwing up because it's making me less than I could be. And I don't want that. 

If I keep comparing myself to everyone, the uphill climb becomes more vertical. 

Don't be materialistic.

Be generous to myself, as long as I can be generous to others too. 

I don't want to be just another cliche shouting "BE YOURSELF" across the screen, because I don't totally believe in that idea. I want to be who God made me to be. But at the same time, I can't pretend to be something I'm not just to impress people who don't really matter in the long run. 

Relax a little. I'm stressing too much about the small things. Focus and breathe.